What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
