remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
