The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think my moral compass just broke
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
