careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
