It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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