Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We had to coat check the pizza.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
