Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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