I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
