This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
