You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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