everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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