he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i drank out of a bidet.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
