Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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