ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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