i just wanna soil my oats bro
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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