1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
