chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
