So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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