watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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