yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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