I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
