i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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