Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
