I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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