well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
