i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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