I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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