I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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