omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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