I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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