Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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