I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
