I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
