You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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