I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
