Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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