i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm at about main and main street
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
