He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
