I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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