Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
