All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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