Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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