I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
