This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
