Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
