it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
