hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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