Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
