Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
