Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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