that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
