My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
