Betty ford says i'm here all night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
