i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
