You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
