How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's great music for shaving your balls
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
